Working Out

Why do we allow ourselves to be intimidated by walking into a gym?? I have been going to the gym and working out for the last 16 years. I have been through three pregnancies, which means my body has changed in short periods of time at least 3 times and gaining almost 50lbs with each of those pregnancies. Moving to Italy meant having to find a new gym. I did research on the area we would be living in and asked a ton of questions to the spouses that were already living in Italy. But the common response I found was that there were no gyms like we have in America that offer childcare while the parents workout. I shared this information with David and his reaction was to just buy everything for us to have our own CrossFit gym at our house once we got to Italy. At first I thought he was joking but then I got excited when I knew he was serious. A big stress for a lot of parents is knowing whether their kids are going to be in good hands while they workout. So either David and I would never be able to workout together in Italy because we can’t bring the children or we can buy what we want and workout together at home while the kids play. I am sure the kids will want to join in on the fun once we receive our shipment with all of the workout equipment. 

Anywho, the point of this post was to talk about feeling intimidated going into a gym. When we arrived in Italy David went to check out the two gyms and report back to me what they were like and how the kid area looked (a large mat in a closed off area, with little to no toys, and supervised by you the parent while attempting to workout with the limited workout equipment in that room). Fun, I think not. That wasn’t even worth me going to the gym, I wouldn’t get through one workout with Nico and Jacoby fenced in right next to me while I worked out. So there are two gyms here. The “Mom gym” which is where the kid area is and the “CrossFit” gym which is located in an actual hanger. Until our workout equipment arrives I have been getting up at 4am so I can go to the gym and be back before David has to leave for work. I love this, I am a morning person for sure. Always have been and I hope I always will be. 

"Mom Gym...AKA the Fitness Center"

CrossFit Gym

The first day I went to the “Mom gym” I walked on a treadmill. I walked around looking at the limited equipment and the people standing by waiting to use that equipment. I used a rower and headed home for the day. It didn’t feel like a productive workout but that’s okay, I was able to do a ton of cardio and check out the gym. I went home and told David it sucked and I wasn’t going to waste my time going there. He told me to go check out the other gym. Which by the way, isn’t just a CrossFit gym. They have a ton of weights, cardio machines, and anything else I could possibly need. In addition to this half of that gym (hanger) is a CrossFit gym. It’s open to anyone anytime, and if a class starts you just can’t be in their way. I love this gym. The first day walking in there I felt like a purple haired girl wearing a name badge that said “First Time Gym User!” Haha only because I was walking on a treadmill and looking for all of my familiar workout equipment all the while not knowing one person in the entire place. Y’all I am not the only person that gets up at 4am to workout. I scoped the place out and did a short WOD off in my own area of the CrossFit gym. But I have to share with you. All the while I felt like I stood out like a sore thumb even though I probably didn’t. No one probably hesitated that there was a new face in the building, this is a military gym. There are people coming and going all the time. That first workout I did was short and sweet. I started off with wall balls. https://youtu.be/UUo2ONp4iGc Here is a link if you are wondering what a wall ball should actually look like. 

Friends, the wall balls they have here compared to the ones at my gym from back home are huge. The first time I threw the ball up and went to catch it my face caught it, knocking me back onto my butt. I was fine, it’s okay for you to laugh, I know I did. I sat there for a minute wondering how many people saw that, if any. Without looking around I stood back up and began my workout again. I went home that morning and shared all of this with David, whom by the way laughed also and asked me what I did. He did try to make me feel a little better agreeing that their wall balls are huge. The next day I went back to the same gym but on the way I reminded myself that God made me. He made me just the way I am so His light can shine through me. I can be comfortable in this gym just like my last gym, not because I know anyone but because we are all there with the same purpose. The last two workouts have been even better. I walked in and feel great. I leave feeling great. I am so glad this gym is here and not just the "Mom Gym." I can’t wait for our other shipment of household items to arrive so then David and I can workout together. 

No matter if you are a gym rat or have never stepped foot in a gym. It’s okay. I still to this day look up workouts and watch videos online to make sure I am doing the exercises correctly. Did I mention I have been working out for 16 years. Don’t let the intimidation of a building or the people in it stop you from being the best you that you can be. Take care of your body and if you need a laugh or when you feel really awkward walking into the gym just picture my face catching the wall ball and knocking me back on my butt. 

Thanks for reading, have a blessed day!

Anxiety and Panic Attacks

Let’s talk about anxiety and panic attacks. Have you ever had either before? Yea, me neither before July 26th, 2018. That was the day that Nico had a febrile seizure. An anxiety or panic attack very much resembles a heart attack with its symptoms. Doctors told me time and time again that most people who are experiencing their first panic or anxiety attack think they are having a heart attack. Symptoms for a panic or anxiety attack include: racing heart, feeling weak, faint, or dizzy, tingling or numbness in hands or fingers, sense of terror, feeling sweaty or having chills, chest pain, or breathing difficulties, and feeling a loss of control.  

Two nights before we left Charleston for Italy, I was standing in the kitchen talking to David, Ben, and Marcia about my fears of traveling with Nico because of the seizure he had. I was super excited about all of my purple matching luggage and they were making jokes about that. Then we switched conversations and right in the middle of it my chest started hurting and I got very light headed, I explained that I felt like I was about to pass out. Marcia told me to lay on the couch and take one of the anxiety pills that the doctor gave me a few days prior. She was texting her son who is a doctor and telling him what was going on. Of course he couldn't and wouldn’t diagnose me without seeing me and just told us to keep watch on my symptoms for an hour. After an hour my chest kept getting hot, then I would get light headed, break out in sweats, then be freezing, and then my body started to shake. Kind of like how you feel when you are fighting off flu symptoms but then add tight chest pains and fear since you know it’s not the flu. I had David drive me to the ER at about 10pm that night. We get there and tell them all of my symptoms and they run every test possible since I showed up with chest pain. They diagnosed me with some PTSD from Nico’s seizure. PTSD is also known as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. After reading about the symptoms of PTSD this totally describes how I felt. I would get so upset anytime one of the other children would talk about Nico's seizure. It made me so sick and would cause me to worry about it happening again. Here is some information about PTSD straight from the WEBMD website https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-are-symptoms-ptsd

What Are Symptoms of PTSD?

You thought it was behind you. When time passes after a traumatic event, it's natural to think your mind and body have healed and moved on. But symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can pop up months or even years later.

Unlike a rash or broken arm, PTSD can be tough to identify, especially when it's happening in your own mind. Though it can look and feel like depression or rage, PTSD is different. And it can affect everything from the way you sleep to your relationships at home and work.

If you see yourself in any of these symptoms, check with your doctor for a diagnosis.

Memories

Whether you're thinking about it or not, memories of the traumatic event can come back to bother you. You may experience them in your sleep as nightmares or during the day as flashbacks. That means you relive the event as if it's happening for the first time.

Both can cause you to feel anxious, afraid, guilty, or suspicious. These emotions may play out physically in the form of chills, shaking, headaches, heart palpitations, and panic attacks.

Avoidance

You don't want to think about it. You don't want to talk about it. You steer clear of everyone and everything that reminds you of the event, including places and activities.

Avoidance can also mean staying away from people in general -- not just the ones connected with the event. This can cause you to feel detached and alone.

Behavior Changes

Doctors call these “arousal symptoms.” They can make your emotions more intense or make you react differently than you normally would. For example, if you're a careful driver, you might start driving too fast or be super-aggressive on the road. Irrational, angry outbursts are very common.

Many find it hard to focus. Feelings of danger and being under attack can ruin concentration and keep you from finishing tasks you do every day. This can also lead to trouble sleeping, whether you're having nightmares or not.

Mood Swings

PTSD doesn't always come with clues like nightmares and flashbacks. Sometimes it seems like a mood change unrelated to the traumatic event.

You'll know it by its negativity. You may feel hopeless, numb, or bad about yourself or others. Thoughts of suicide can come and go. Deep feelings of guilt and shame are common, as well.

Activities you normally enjoy may not interest you anymore. Your motivation to maintain relationships with close friends and family could be low.

The PTSD was causing me to have panic attacks that I couldn’t get under control. I mentioned that I had anxiety medicine that a doctor issued me a few days prior, at that same visit to the urgent care that doctor gave me some antidepressants. One was for short term and the other for long term to get me through the flight and at least the first month in Italy, until I could get to my primary care doctor. I am so thankful that we have doctors and medicine. There is no way I would be where I am today without them. I could recognize something wasn’t right with me and knew I needed help which is why I went to urgent care when I did. I had at least one panic/anxiety attack everyday since the day Nico had his seizure. The first week in Italy was horrible for me. I couldn’t function anything like myself, and by this I mean I was paralyzed with fear. Fear took over every thought and decision. Maybe the second night we were there in the TLF (temporary living facility/hotel) I was trying to calm myself by reading my Bible having one panic attack after another. I was praying and praying for them to stop long enough for me to just go to sleep. I knew I couldn’t go to a hospital because I knew it was just another panic attack. So I prayed and prayed, and read my Bible, and began concentrating on my breathing. After an hour or two I was able to calm myself and get some sleep. The next day we were supposed to go to an orientation at Mateo’s new school. We loaded up in the car and the whole family headed that way. David and I got out of the car before the children and I went up to him and said “I can’t do this, I can’t go in there.” He said okay then we don’t have to go. I explained that I didn’t know how to function anymore and that I needed help. I was anxious about situations that I have never in my life been anxious about. He went to mental health on the base and made an appointment and dropped me off so I could talk to them. It happened so fast but that's because David knew I needed help right then. I had no idea what they were going to do for me or how it was going to help but I knew at this point anything and everyone were only going to try and help me get better. This was the best thing that could have ever happened to me and for me and my family. I went there and talked to a few different people. I cried and cried and cried. I let everything out that I was trying so hard to hold in for so long. I didn’t realize that through everything that happened I never really let any of it out. I had to be strong for a year while David was away in Turkey. I had to hold it together and pack up my family and my house. I had to sell the house. There were so many things I had to do. I am not complaining I wanted to do all of them. But through it I just kept pushing forward. If I hit an obstacle I would pray about it, ask for help, and just keep moving forward. There was no time to stop or go backwards. At my appointment with the mental health clinic they too said I had PTSD. They told me to immediately make an appointment with my primary care doctor here in Italy and talk to him about my medicine that I was currently taking. When I called the appointment line to make that appointment they said there was nothing available for about two weeks. I explained what was going on briefly to the woman on the other end of the phone. She was extremely empathetic with all that I was going through, asked to put me on hold, and then came back on the phone and asked if I could be there the next morning. Of course! This was the nicest person I have ever spoken to on the Tricare appointment line. 

This is not just good luck friends, this is God. God shines through always. I went to the appointment with my primary care doctor he immediately changed my meds. I haven’t had a panic or anxiety attack since that day. He sat and listened to all of my concerns. He knows I don’t want to be on anything long term but I need something to get me through these next few months while we get settled here in Italy and my fears dwindle (notice I didn’t say disappear because they never will fully go away). We did a dry run to the local ER here in Italy and this helped to really calm my nerves as well. Just knowing where it is and that it wasn’t far made me feel like I wasn’t lost in this big country with no help. There have been a few people praying through all of this with me. I know that no one except my family can physically be here for me but I haven’t felt alone through any of it. The last two weeks have been great. I have been able to function and enjoy life like I did before my sweet boys seizure. I am driving by myself, which was a huge anxiety when I first got here. I didn’t drive at all those first two weeks. David even bought a car and asked if I wanted to test drive it, but of course I didn’t because fear stopped me in my tracks. I love that I am feeling more like myself with each new day. I am so blessed to have the family that I do. I am thankful for the mental health clinic and the physicians stationed here in Italy. They have helped me through one of the toughest times in my life. 

It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to feel broken. It’s okay to be scared. I want you all to know that not one time did I ever feel like I wanted to hurt myself or others. This isn’t the only reason the military has a mental health clinic. The doctors told me that this is one of the hardest bases to come and transition to. I started back at the gym this week, I have only been one other time since Nico’s seizure, before then I was going 5 days a week. Out of both fear of leaving Nico and because I had no drive to go to the gym. It felt great working out today. Please friends and family when you feel like you are alone or drowning in this big world know that you are not alone. You are loved. You are loved by me. You are loved by God. There is zero shame in asking for help. Once you ask for help please follow through and get it. I feel like I need to share my journey because there are people that will read this and maybe gain strength to seek the help they need so they can be the person God intended them to be. People always tell me I am like a super mom or super woman or Wonder Woman, but I am not. God gave me hobbies and talents as a child and then gave me gifts as and adult and now as a parent. My gifts are my strengths and they make me who I am today. I was strong for so long on the outside and I can’t stress it enough how much better I am doing in just two short weeks. Thanks for reading!! 

Note: You can read any of my past blogs with this same link. Over on the right side of the page scroll up or down and select the year and then the particular blog you would like to read. 

The transition from South Carolina to Italy

Hey friends and family, I miss you all so much. I know we can FaceTime and text but its not the same. Sometimes you just want to meet for lunch, coffee, or a hug and that isn't even an option right now.

When we were checking in 3 hours early for our flight they informed us that our flight was cancelled but we were never notified. The Airlines did what they could and booked us on another flight leaving around the same time as that first flight. That flight didn't work for some reason so the original airlines then had to schedule us on a third airline. At this point we are happy that we are still flying out as scheduled but on our new flight it left very little time to get from one terminal to the next. We flew from Charleston to Atlanta and then from Atlanta to Venice. Boarded that first flight and we were in the last rows on the back of the plane. Ever sat in the last row on a plane that holds about 45 people? It's loud and it is right next to the bathroom. Oh and when we looked out our windows all we could see were parts of the plane, no sky. The kids did great. By the time we were up in the air it was time to land again. We had twenty minutes to get off our first flight, get our double stroller that was gate checked (best idea ever by the way), pick up dinner for Nico (since his dairy free dinner was only available on our original flight), and then book it to the elevator, a train, and to our new terminal. We made it. Phew. This flight was great, fortunately it wasn't booked because our seats weren't all next to each other and some really nice people were willing to switch seats so I could sit with at least Nico and Jacoby. We brought plenty of things to do in their bags, but of course once we were on the plane they wanted to watch the movies on board. The best thing I bought for the kids were their Cozy Phones. These are soft and super comfy head phones, and worked great on the plane. They fell asleep with them on and I just turned off their movies and they kept sleeping. They make them for adults too.

About two hours into the flight I changed the boys into their Pajamas, to help make it feel more like bedtime. I gave Mateo and Jacoby children's melatonin to help them sleep. It worked like a charm. I maybe slept two hours total on the 8 hour flight but I had Nico sleeping on me the whole time. We landed in Venice and had to wait for about 15 minutes to get our double stroller. We then proceeded to baggage claim to get all of our suitcases and load them on the airports very tiny carts. We walked around looking for a rental car service, and then David called for transportation from the military but it would be an hour and half before they could come get us. So David walked outside to one of the Italian Taxi drivers and asked if he could fit 5 people, a cat, and 15 bags in his van and take us to Aviano, and he said sure! For 200 Euro. At this point we have been in Venice airport for 3 hours, we are just ready to leave. For those that don't know, 200 Euro was a total rip off we rented a car for two weeks for that same cost. 

For those wondering about traveling with the cat in the plane. My cat Uranus did great. Drugging a cat on international flights wasn't an option so I purchased a calming collar. It worked wonders, and I didn't put it on him I just put in inside his cat carrier. A fun fact about cats is that they can hold their urine for 24-48 hours. So I wasn't too concerned with him going potty in the carrier but I did put down a pad in case he got sick. He meowed for a few minutes on the first flight and then was quiet. Through the airports and the second flight he was quiet, you wouldn't have even known he was on board. The last hour of our trip he started to meow, but there was so much white noise on the plane that no one could hear him. As far as a cat carrier, Delta started making a cat carrier and certifies that almost all airlines approve it for in flight. Its soft so it can fit under your seat without any restrictions. It has handles and a strap so you can carry the bag or put it on your shoulder. It is extremely discreet, which is what I wanted. I really didn't want everyone to know I had the cat. Kids noticed but that was it. 

Delta Animal carrier, I purchased off of Amazon

Cat Calming collar, I purchased off of Amazon

We used a rental car the first two weeks that we were here. Lets talk about European cars. Most are diesel, which are extremely great on gas. Gas is like $8 a gallon here, thankful we get gas vouchers through the military. No this doesn't mean we get free gas, it just means we don't pay taxes on our gas. After those two weeks we purchased a car for David. It has one cup holder in the entire vehicle. They say we shouldn't do anything while we are driving. No texting, talking, drinking, eating, etc. They mean it. Even kids are a distraction when you are driving the speed limit on a tight road and they start arguing in the back seat. The car rides real nice, and we got a great deal and I get to drive it until my van arrives next month. In the meantime David got another rental car which is extremely small, and runs like garbage so we refer to his car now as the Turd. I can't wait for my van to arrive next month. It may not be as great on gas but it sure has a ton of room in it.

We found a beautiful home to rent 4 minutes from base. It is so big, and has everything that we were looking for in a home except one thing. It only has one bathroom. You may think we are crazy for even getting it, but with all other things checked off on what we were looking for this was too good to pass up. We expected it to take at least a month to find a place because everything shuts down for the month of August. But God has truly put us where He wants us and opens doors that needed to be opened. I think we saw maybe three other houses before this one and both David and I knew immediately that it was the one. 

There is a guest entry gate. We can buzz you in from inside the house. 

This gate leads us to our driveway

Our Kitchen minus this table that wasn't ours.

Another kitchen view, no dishwasher my spoiled American friends. Typically the two cabinets to the right are what house the small fridge on the bottom and the small freezer on the top. We got an American size fridge, of course not pictured.

Living room view 1

Livingroom view 2

Living room door

Master Bedroom/window/closet

Second bedroom

Third bedroom (it's bigger than it looks)

Our one bathroom, no tub, only a shower (but hey it has a fancy adjustable shower head)

Going to be the guest room, only room in the house with a fireplace (view 1)

guest room (view 2) we are removing the furniture that the owners left in the house

Bonus room in the basement/garage

This is our entry way. On the other side of the doors are all of the bedrooms. On this side of the doors is the kitchen and living room.

Our one AC wall unit. We have only been running it at night. 

Steps leading up to our amazing attic/third floor of the house. Going to be a huge playroom for the boys.

Panoramic view of the amazing attic/future playroom. Yes, there are four sets of windows and what you can't see in this picture are the deadbolts that are on the tops of them all that can't be opened without a key or by little children. I know some of you were worrying.

Video demonstrating how we open our windows.... its so cool. And not all houses have screens, we were extremely blessed to find one with screens to keep my cat inside and the bugs outside. 

Due to computer saving issues, having three boys, one in school and two at home it has taken me over two weeks to complete this blog. We are still waiting on our home goods shipment to arrive. Once our house is set up I will take better pictures. Thank you everyone for the continued prayers. It  has been a long journey but I am so glad our family is back together again.

By the way, if you watched the video above I mentioned I wasn't done with my hair yet. Now I am done. I also have my first hair appointment in Italy today. As you can see in the photo I have very little purple left and a ton of grey.