Definition of lonely
lonelier; loneliest
b :cut off from others :solitary
- the train stopped frequently at lonely little stations
- —Robert Hichens
4:producing a feeling of bleakness or desolation
- it's a lonely thing to be a champion
- —G. B. Shaw
When we made the decision to apply for the year long job in Turkey this word "lonely" was nowhere in my vocabulary. Through the entire process this word never came up. After David left for Turkey part of me was missing. You get used to someone coming home everyday and saying "hi, how was your day?" You have adult interaction. Take that away and the word above describes exactly how I feel. I get so excited to talk to David and then when we hang up I cry because I miss him so much. Sure you can push the emotions aside, or try to block them out, but do I really want to become numb to a situation to where I feel nothing? Of course not. I would take this emotional roller coaster all day everyday just to feel what I feel for my Husband. I love him. I miss him. I would support this decision over and over again because it is something he wanted to do. It's great for his career which in return is great for our family in the long run. I just wish other military spouses talked about how hard being separated really is. It reminds me of when David and I were engaged. People don't want to tell you how hard marriage is because they don't want to scare you or sway any of your decisions. But it is the reality. When you get married, it's hard. When you are separated for deployments it's really hard. What is getting me through this? Prayer! Frequent talks with God, all day everyday. I was close with God before but now I am really close. I lean on Him with every emotion I have. I don't have David at home in the evenings to talk about my day or my struggles so I take them to God. It should have been like this way before but you get comfortable with the easy path and in my case it was easier to talk to David about everything because he was there but I see now there are things I should have been taking straight to my Heavenly Father.
Friends have been a huge part of getting me through this deployment as well. I have friends text me to see how I am, and I totally appreciate those texts because they too, have families of their own and they stopped long enough to see how I was doing. I have friends swing by just to give me a hug, a cup of tea, lunch, or a gift basket with goodies for the kids. Some friends are praying for me daily. Some friends have offered to pick up groceries for me if I needed it. My heart is so full and these encounters mean so much more than my friends will ever know.
Let's talk exercise. I am down about 8 lbs since David left. Not because I want to "get in shape" before he comes home but because I am insanely busy and always on the go. A few weeks after David left I realized that my yearly subscription for BeachBody on Demand had expired. I talked to him about renewing it, but after two weeks had passed I realized I just wasn't able to workout at home anymore. I joined back at Golds gym. It's been almost 2 years since I was a member here, but I am so happy to be back. I am happy to be back because they have free childcare. Don't judge me. Most people join a gym to get healthy, but I joined to have 1 hour to myself everyday and know that my kids are safe and having fun too. The bonus: I am getting back into shape during that hour. Anyone want to come with me? I get one free guest anytime I go.
I am not sure about you but I go through phases where I read a ton of books. But other times I choose sleep or the television instead of reading. I recently started reading Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. So far it is a great book. He brought up a good point and it really led to some personal convictions. He mentions how when him and his wife first got married they were asking God to use them for great things. Everything they did was for the glory of God. But several years into their marriage they were debating on what kind of movie to watch together and just couldn't agree. I can totally relate to this. When David and I first got married we would sit down to watch a show or movie together and it wasn't difficult to agree on one. Mostly because we were just happy to be spending time together and what we watched didn't matter. So when does this change? It isn't one defining moment, it happens little by little without even being aware. My conviction came last week when I was watching a particular show on Netflix. It had great reviews, and several recommendations from people I know. But after the first season it headed in a different direction. There were random sex scenes with full nudity, horrible language, and then things I probably wouldn't watch if my Husband were sitting there next to me. At what point did I lose some of me? Some of that girl that got saved almost 7 years ago? God knew what my weaknesses were and the things that were not pleasing to Him and He took them all away. It didn't happen slowly over time for me like it does for some other people. He took them away immediately. I wanted to do nothing more than to serve God, and I still do now, but it is different. Over the last few years I have slowly given in on a show because it had good reviews. Or reached for a glass of wine to relax instead of outlets I reached for when I was first saved like prayer or studying my bible. I am not saying if you drink or watch shows with nudity that you are a bad person, these are my personal convictions. I am just trying to figure out how I got to the place where I am.
Please be praying for my family and I. Prayers for the things of this world that can lead us away from God that they find no place in our family or our home. Prayers for David's trip to come visit us in March. Prayers for selling our home when it's time. We have a wonderful family that I truly believe God brought together to further His kingdom. Let us not forget who we are and what our purpose on this earth is really for.
Friends have been a huge part of getting me through this deployment as well. I have friends text me to see how I am, and I totally appreciate those texts because they too, have families of their own and they stopped long enough to see how I was doing. I have friends swing by just to give me a hug, a cup of tea, lunch, or a gift basket with goodies for the kids. Some friends are praying for me daily. Some friends have offered to pick up groceries for me if I needed it. My heart is so full and these encounters mean so much more than my friends will ever know.
Let's talk exercise. I am down about 8 lbs since David left. Not because I want to "get in shape" before he comes home but because I am insanely busy and always on the go. A few weeks after David left I realized that my yearly subscription for BeachBody on Demand had expired. I talked to him about renewing it, but after two weeks had passed I realized I just wasn't able to workout at home anymore. I joined back at Golds gym. It's been almost 2 years since I was a member here, but I am so happy to be back. I am happy to be back because they have free childcare. Don't judge me. Most people join a gym to get healthy, but I joined to have 1 hour to myself everyday and know that my kids are safe and having fun too. The bonus: I am getting back into shape during that hour. Anyone want to come with me? I get one free guest anytime I go.
I am not sure about you but I go through phases where I read a ton of books. But other times I choose sleep or the television instead of reading. I recently started reading Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. So far it is a great book. He brought up a good point and it really led to some personal convictions. He mentions how when him and his wife first got married they were asking God to use them for great things. Everything they did was for the glory of God. But several years into their marriage they were debating on what kind of movie to watch together and just couldn't agree. I can totally relate to this. When David and I first got married we would sit down to watch a show or movie together and it wasn't difficult to agree on one. Mostly because we were just happy to be spending time together and what we watched didn't matter. So when does this change? It isn't one defining moment, it happens little by little without even being aware. My conviction came last week when I was watching a particular show on Netflix. It had great reviews, and several recommendations from people I know. But after the first season it headed in a different direction. There were random sex scenes with full nudity, horrible language, and then things I probably wouldn't watch if my Husband were sitting there next to me. At what point did I lose some of me? Some of that girl that got saved almost 7 years ago? God knew what my weaknesses were and the things that were not pleasing to Him and He took them all away. It didn't happen slowly over time for me like it does for some other people. He took them away immediately. I wanted to do nothing more than to serve God, and I still do now, but it is different. Over the last few years I have slowly given in on a show because it had good reviews. Or reached for a glass of wine to relax instead of outlets I reached for when I was first saved like prayer or studying my bible. I am not saying if you drink or watch shows with nudity that you are a bad person, these are my personal convictions. I am just trying to figure out how I got to the place where I am.
Please be praying for my family and I. Prayers for the things of this world that can lead us away from God that they find no place in our family or our home. Prayers for David's trip to come visit us in March. Prayers for selling our home when it's time. We have a wonderful family that I truly believe God brought together to further His kingdom. Let us not forget who we are and what our purpose on this earth is really for.
